When Baby Steps Become Boundary Tests
I always knew my daughter would eventually shift from baby to toddler—a stage filled with boundary testing. But when would it happen, and what would it look like?
As she grew, I started noticing subtle changes. Bigger feelings surfaced when she didn’t get her way. At first, it was tempting to give in because the tantrums seemed small. But then I paused—what precedent was I setting? What behaviors might grow from this?
Looking back, I also saw how things that were once cute—like her pulling my hair—changed over time. When she was tiny, it felt like soothing play while I held her. But lately, it’s turned into a game. She does it to be funny, grinning as she tugs, but now she’s stronger, and it hurts. It was time to move on from that habit.
Connecting the Dots of Behavior
I realized I’d unintentionally encouraged it by giving her positive attention when she pulled my hair in the past. So, I started brainstorming ways to redirect her—teaching her how to get the playful attention she craved without the behavior I wanted to stop.
After some trial and error, I found a strategy that worked. When she grabbed my hair, I’d gently free myself, set her down, and walk away—no words, no eye contact. She’d lose the attention she was after. I’d move to another spot in the room and wait quietly. She’d fuss for a moment but then toddle over to find me. I’d say, “Say sorry to momma,” guiding her to sign “sorry” since she’s still learning to talk. Then, I’d scoop her up for snuggles or silliness—whatever she seemed to want.
It’s clicking for her: “I want mommy’s attention, but pulling hair doesn’t work.”
Small Lessons for Big Hearts
This isn’t just about hair-pulling—it’s a bigger life skill. She’s learning how to start and keep play going, how to apologize, how to be kind, and how to connect in ways that make others want to join in. She’s sweet and eager, but she won’t figure it out unless I guide her.
It’s striking how easily behaviors sneak in, especially when they start small and cute—or when they’re just a toddler’s way of saying, “I want to play, but I need help showing you how.” Life is a trickle of tiny moments that build into bigger patterns. I’m curious what other little quirks will pop up before she turns two—and how I can shape them while they’re still small.
Looking Back to Move Forward
As a former teacher who worked with students with mild to extreme behaviors, I often asked myself: How long has this been reinforced, and where did it begin? Now, as a mom, I’m hyper-aware of how intentional and present I need to be. What am I teaching my daughter, both on purpose and by accident?
My encouragement to other parents is this: the small stuff can be hard to catch—I miss things too. But if you reflect on the root of a behavior, you might find a simple fix. It’s all about looking back to move forward.
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